The early morning of November 9th came around and I checked Facebook to see who had become the president elect. Almost immediately, I saw “TRUMP: AMERICA’S NEW PRESIDENT” and I thought it was a joke. A sick joke, but definitely a joke. So I began to scan through my newsfeed and ultimately, it became very clear that it was not a joke.

Donald effing Trump won the election.

I was angry, hurt, sad, scared, anxious, shocked…just to name a few. All of those emotions running through my veins before settling on one; numb.

If anyone has been bullied they know the feeling I am about to explain. It happens when you wake up to go to school and you know that Sydney will be waiting for you in the hall. You know that she will mock you and pick on you make your day a living hell so, to prepare, you shut down. You harden yourself. You blockade your heart and soul behind walls of impassivity so that whatever she does, she won’t hurt you, just your body.

That’s what I did at eight in the morning of November 9th, 2016.

I prepared for the worst.

I prayed to God that teachers just…stayed with their materials and didn’t bring it up.

I prepared for the racists to unite.

I shut down.

The next week, after he had won, I had finally taken a break from Facebook and sat in my room and cried.

That day, I had seen people sharing post about hate crimes, against Muslim women, Hispanic women, African American women, Chinese women, White women.

I saw post of men getting in fights because of racial slurs. I read letters of white people threatening women of color, threatening Muslims, and men saying they were going to grab any women by the “pussy because Trump is president now and if can do it” they can do it too. My stomach still churns thinking about those posts.

A faculty member at Western Oregon University, stated that her niece was walking home from school when two white men, pulled up along her in a pickup truck and proceeded to ask her how much money she was going to pay toward the wall she was going to build. They then threw a couple dollars at her before driving away.

I feel angry.

How did I not see that all of these people in my circle were low-key racists?

How is it possible that a man with no political background—a man who brags about molesting women, a man who inspires hate—become the President of the United States?

How did this happen?

I am angry that my sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews, and my best friends are now in fear for their lives, and that they’re not safe. I am angry that when I walked through campus on November 9th, 2016, we, as a community were quiet. WE WERE QUIET!

Our whole campus was so in shock and was afraid and nervous that the whole campus felt deserted.

The other day a read a post about a fashion line planning to sale, and I quote “Brooks Middle Passages Slave Ship 1788 Mini Skirt by Daniel-Hagerman”. How is this okay?

This isn’t the America I know and love.

This is regression.

Speeding toward 1817.

This is part of a Special Edition issue of the Northwest Passage. The submissions are sent in anonymously and serve as a reaction to the recent political climate. Want to send something in for the Special Edition? Fill out the form here.